Augmented Insanity

Why does an experience that is supposed to make you feel better be absolutely crap? Information is shoddy, people are downright rude, and the service is crap.

Don’t get me started on the food. How they manage to make all parts of a meal taste like boiled-dead potatoes is beyond me. New frontiers of technology open every day, we shoot people into space -and- get them back, but we can’t manage something as simple as food as soon as it is prepared within the confines of a hospital’s walls….

Right, since my post on Friday my Manflu has changed into a regular flu. Which is not good. Friday night my temperature peaked at 40.5 degrees, and had been high the whole weekend. And dammit, it hurts! Muscles are aching, head is throbbing and you do -not- want to know what I cough up. And all this after already having spent about a week and a half sick with a lung infection about 3 weeks ago, I am not a happy camper.

Right, after a whole week of sniffles and coughs I broke into a sweat today. Ye olde thermometer said I had a slight fever and well, there was only one thing for it; Declare Manflu!

A lot of people (read; women) say Manflu does not excist. Well, I -could- say the same thing about the g-spot. (But I don’t. I like my lovin’…). But nevertheless I’m suffering now. Finding solace in hot baths, cold orange juice and my ancient, dragging-home-the-mammoth, fire-making, cave-clearing Manrights!

Which are probably as hard to proof as the Manflu…

Is it going to happen? Permaybehaps. My new mobile device sure is tempting me. Stay tuned for updates! Or not. Whatever…

People who know me knew already, and people that don’t know me probably don’t care. But here it is; I’m a Pagan. Devoid of all chances for salvation, I believe in the Old Gods. Fairies. That kinda thing. So I’m probably going to Hell. In a handbasket. If I believed in the concept of Hell. Which (or Witch. See what I did there?) I don’t. So the point is mood…

I like to mess around with incense, meditation, Reiki and other stuff. Following a path that was something between Shamanism and the beliefs of the North American Natives.

But that’s all OVER! Done are my wicked ways! Because I’ve SEEEEEEN the Light! Well, something on youtube that convinced me. Because be honest; who can argue with nobody less then Kirk Cameron (made immortal by the sitcom “Growing Pains” and a banana.

“A banana?” I hear you say?

“Yes…” I reply, hanging my head in a humble way, for I am unworthy to look upon the item I mentioned not mere sentences above… “… a banana.”

Because nothing less then the banana is proof of the existence of the Aaaaaaalmighty God!

Yes, ye non-believers. The banana is the absolute proof God exists. Because bananas have a built-in opening mechanism. Like soda cans. Which were made by man. And bananas were not. So they must have been made by someone else. Which by logical conclusion must have been… God.

Halleelluuuujaaaah!!!

Rrrrright…

Now someone explain the coconut to me. Or the brazil nut…

I’ll be waiting for your answer while I make some more incense. And play with my tarot cards.

And have a banana…

P.S.; Just for the heck of it, watch it again, and in your head replace the word “banana” with “cock”…

Truths. He speaketh them. This answers all questions a sane sentient being could ask. Well, maybe not all of them. Like;  “Why are we here?”. Or; “Where can I get a good gin&tonic at 6 in the morning?”. But a lot nevertheless. Not that I would know a sane sentient being if I stepped on it. Or maybe I did. I mean, there’s lots of ants in my garden. And the little buggers always get underfoot. I guess the phrase “I wouldn’t know a sane sentient being if it bit me” is more appropriate. Nasty little buggers…

…you just wasted 20 seconds of your life.

In that time you could have…

…smiled at a stranger.
…picked up a piece of trash and throw it away.
…let someone else cut in front in the grocery line.
…let a car merge in front of you in traffic.
…smelled a flower, don’t pick it.
…put the shopping cart in a shopping cart receptacle or return it to the store.
…petted an animal.
…said something nice.
…gargled.
…purchased rechargeable not disposable batteries.
…bought fruit not candy.
…used your car blinker.
…parked your car farther from the store and walk.
…hugged someone
…taken your children to the park not the store.
…dropped $5 on the sidewalk and walk away fast and don’t look back.
…waved hello to your neighbors.
…turned off the television.
…shut up.
…told someone “I love you”.
…told someone you care about them.
…looked behind you.
…told someone when they have snot hanging out of their nose, their fly unzipped, food on their face, their shirt unbuttoned, or any other thing you wish someone would have said to you.